dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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