the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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