i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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