You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
