Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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