Plan B is the new Plan A
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
