Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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