At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Randomize
