Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
