listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
