Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I'm at about main and main street
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
