forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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