YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
