she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
