this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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