quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
did you just send me my own nude
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
