at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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