Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
