and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
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