im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I touched a dick in church today
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
