No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
