He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
