I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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