You don't have asthma, your pregnant
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
