I am puke
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
