At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
my poor anus
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
