I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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