he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
