my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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