He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
