the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
