I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize