My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
