We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
