hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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