My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
there was a trapeze. enough said
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
