absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
