we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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