Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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