I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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