I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Randomize
