The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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