what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Randomize
