i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
