What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
