Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
