Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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