i don't like sucking hair
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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