I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I wear drunk well.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
