hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
