I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
