I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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