She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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