I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Randomize
