Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
