You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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