Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Randomize
