you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
