so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
