I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
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