Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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