hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
