there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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