Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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