There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
