toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
we have pet lesbian snakes
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
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