Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Randomize
