i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
