so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
