At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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