plz talk dirty to me
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
