Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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