Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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